The Golden Rule

"Do to others as you would want them to do to you", we are all taught this classic proverb as children as a basic how-to on how to treat others. We try to avoid children from saying things or behaving in manners that are un-kind or selfish by challenging them to think about how they would feel if the same action was done to them and it works; most of the time.  Until you reach the age where you find that life isn't a fair give-and-take system and you don't always get back what you dish out whether good or bad. And sometimes, what you want or how you are seems more important than the consequences, especially when not on the receiving end.  My mother would often tell me when I was younger that to have a friend, you must first show yourself friendly.  Seemed simple enough.  If you want to have friends and be invited to parties and sleepovers and have BFF's, you had to show that you were kind and interested and then people would be your friend. What she didn't say, was that sometimes that's not enough. That some people just aren't  meant to be your friend and that in some instances, you are better off.
I think society has done a pretty sucky job in terms of painting a picture of female relationships. Solely based off of what is portrayed to us off of television shows and movies we are taught to think that we are going to have 3-5 BEST friends throughout our lives for us to cry over crushes with, share a great pair of jeans that miraculously fit us all, travel across the country with while discovering ourselves, keep in touch with through college, double date, attend each others weddings, fly across the country to vacation together, have our  kids be best friends, have weekly lunch dates and frequent dinner parties and grow old together like the golden girls.
I have to say that I have been pretty let down in my adult life in terms of friendships.  I don't know if its due to too high of expectations or just the wrong people or maybe a little of both.  But I have been more unsuccessful than not, to have found a friend - ONE single friend that I can be myself with, have intellectual conversations, enjoy spending time together, and mutually support each other consistently. I have come to believe that maybe its just the circle of life. That you meet a person for a time period and have short-lived relationship that slowly tapers off until it is no longer. Wash, rinse, repeat. But somehow I just can't swallow that. Call it the optimist in me that thinks that it is yet possible in the 21st century to have meaningful and long-lasting friendships. But somehow I find myself in the same situation more over where I have a friend that I think values me and our relationship as much as I do, only to be left feeling like it was not the case. I found myself being the only one who seemed to think of them and call "just to say hey!" or was always asking them to try a new activity or being the sole person actively keeping the friendship alive. If I didn't call, we wouldn't talk and after a while I take the hint because after all, if someone was important enough you would respond in kind. Now, I know that people get busy and things happen and people change and thats all fine and acceptable and I am not saying that friends should talk everyday and keep every lunch date and know everything about each other.  But what I am saying, is that it is a two way street which mean both people should be equally active and invested to make it meaningful. You should at the very least, feel like this person values the essence of your being whether in its absence or presence; that you are missed and thought of and important! I never call it a loss until I can clearly determine that this person just doesn't value my friendship for whatever reason, and I choose to no longer hold them accountable for it. Nonetheless it hurts. Its rejection and it sucks. I have yet to find in my 22 years a cure-all for feeling tossed aside, but when I do you'll be the first to know. When I see someone who I consider a friend actively participating in friendships with others when they failed to do so with me, it makes me wonder what was wrong with me?  Was I boring? Annoying? What is it? Because I am doing to others what I would like in return but the golden rule just isn't enough. Even still, it has yet to stop me from being open to others and making new friends because you never know what will come of it. So I keep my smile on, arms open and hopes high. It may be more of the same, or it could very well be the start of  a really great relationship.