A Beautiful Mind

Working in a hospital affords me a lot of opportunities to meet people from all walks of life, which is one of the aspects I enjoy most about it.  There is something about seeing a mother stare into her newborn baby's eyes or watching a person regain strength after an accident over their hospital stay that provides me with such gratitude and joy to witness. I have experienced many tragedies as well unfortunately as I have watch a patient battling cancer fight to live or comforted the family of a person presumed to be healthy have an unexpected illness and end up on life support. I am quite fond of the elderly and what's most devastating to me are those who develop dementia. Of all the organs of our bodies to disintegrate our minds is one of the worst.  It cannot be replaced.  It holds the very essence of who we are, our personalities, memories, dispositions and intelligence. More often that not I hear family say of a loved one with dementia that the current behavior they display is unlike normal.  A person who was throughout their life kind, gentle, and soft spoken can turn foul-mouthed, combative, and stubborn.  Likewise with the opposite. They may forget things that happened in the past commonly deaths of family or friends. Its not uncommon for them to ask for siblings or parents that have long passed away and it is heart crushing when they are informed to watch them come to that realization, especially a spouse.  A few times I have had patients talk of their deceased spouse with regret and longing wishing they were more loving and forgiving. I always take a moment to reflect on my life and to be thankful for my husband and family and I try as I live to not take as much for granted. When I sit with elderly patients I watch their mannerisms and ask questions and get to know them.  Many of them have such fascinating stories to tell of their lives and I often ask if they remember what they were doing at my age.  I ask how they met their spouses and what they did for a living. If they have lived any place outside of Saint Louis. I can see in the passing on of their stories that those pieces of them live on even after they do. I keep them with me as well as their families. Most of them don't see themselves as whatever age they are, as if old age just snuck up on them. I think of my life and how sometimes it seems I have so much left ahead of me, and then others I am aware of just how short a time it really is. Who will remember me one hundred years after my death? I think of how many generations back I can remember my ancestors and recall facets of their life and its saddening to think that after two or three I may be forgotten; that all the things I am working towards and living through and experiencing will amount to little. Who will remember my name? My love story? My life? Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 1:11 "…nobody remembers what happened yesterday. And the things that will happen tomorrow? Nobody'll remember them either. Dont count on being remembered". It is a sad truth, to think that you may possibly lose yourself at the end of your life, after all you have done and had and that regardless if you remember, no one else will in time after. Except the things which we do for Christ it is all fleeting. Even in all of this, life itself is still such a gift. Whether we are given a bad lot or a more fortunate one, it is a blessing. I am sure those who lose their minds, literally, in the end of life would still chose to live as though it was worth remembering, I would. Chapter 3 verse 13, "I have decided that there's nothing better to do than go ahead and get the most we can out of life. That's it- eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It's God's gift". So we won't be remembered. So our lives may not amount to everything we would like it to. What I take from this and from each person I cross paths with at work, is the most I can achieve, is to honor the now. To use my time and my abilities to serve and engage them, being aware of this other person, this other life and mind and to be present. When I make that connection with another person I become less aware of myself and my world and my circumstances and I am able to see differently if only for a moment. Looking outside myself makes me appreciate what I have and where I am and it challenges me in my work to offer more from myself. The fact the God is mindful of me and of each of us and that he keeps an account of our lives in perfect detail is encouraging and overwhelming- at least for me. Not only does he know, but he cares. He has the most beautiful mind. He gives us our life's tasks and finds joy in our acts of worship. It is because of him that I am significant.