Age Ain't Nothin But a Number

If you didn't know how old you were, how old would you be? You hear it all the time, you're only as old as you feel, and its true.  Just because you get older, your body ages and changes physically it doesn't make you any less competent, vibrant and lively in older age than in young.  Because of the cultural changes and adaptation we have come to today, the aging process is directly effected whether in quality or length of life. Our medical advances have made it easier to live longer than ever before as well as our technological advances making life easier and offering more ways of entertainment and discovery.  Being a young person, I haven't thought much about getting old.  I think about my future in terms of what I want to do in life, where I want to be in 30 years and so on, but nothing on the actual concept of aging until after taking a Human Growth and Development class, as well as transitioning into a new job in the health care field where I take care of a wide range of people, elderly included.  Seeing someone in their 80's (+) and  hearing what they talk about most and watching their demeanors is always interesting to me.  On any given day, I spend about 8-12 hrs with them and in that time I can usually find out who they are, what they did, and how they lived.  They tell me about their kids and grandkids and you can tell the ones they are most proud of by the way they elaborate on their successes and family ties.  For the ones that suffer from dementia, they are usually affected by reverting to a childlike state; becoming stubborn and less amiable at times. At some points in the day (referred to as sun-downing) they can become more aggravated than usual in which point I feel I have learned the most.  For a person who was in the same work industry for the entirety of their life will start to act as if they are in fact still working. Once I encountered a woman who was a former nurse and she was confusing the care she was receiving with care she felt she was expected to give to someone else.  She wasn't able to grasp the fact that she in fact was was the patient and not the caregiver and when her medicines and plan of care were being explained to her and her family members, she received it as a participant and not the recipient.  Another insightful opportunity occurs when a person is reaching the end of their life and in realizing such, begin to go through what Psychologist Erik Erikson described in his eighth stage of psychosocial development, "Integrity vs Despair".  They begin to look at their life and choices and either feel a sense of integrity, feeling overall happy and contented with the way they have lived and hopeful for those they are leaving behind, or they feel a sense of despair.  They have regrets and fears about dying and leaving family behind or are unsettled with the life they have lived.  I see this most in elderly who have outlived a spouse and talk about how they wished they had more time with them and how they should told them they were loved more than they had.  The most touching thing I have heard thus far is a woman of 87 years speak of her husband who had died 7 years before saying, "he was a man that could not be duplicated".  She went on to say how he was a loving husband and father and was a family man and treated her like his "personal princess.  That man spared none when it came to me".  I am humbled by such experiences at work and I always take inventory of my own life and pray that I am a good stewart of the blessings I have been given, my husband included.  I am enriched and refined through my work of service and I have recognized that I doesn't have to be confined within the walls of the hospital, but should extend to my everyday living in my service to my loved ones and friends. Asking myself the question of how I would be if I didn't know the number, I would say 35. Often times I feel older than my age and I seem to see things differently than my peers. I identify most with people in middle age.  I have more friends in their mid forties than I do in their twenties.  I enjoy watching women who have been wives and mothers for decades and how they do things.  I like shopping and discovering new cultural activities that I would have otherwise been unaware of.  I feel that knowing older people has made me multi-demensional and I seek the same in others.  One of the reasons I love my husband the most is because he is so atypical, even from myself.  I am never bored and I am always challenged which I appreciate.  I think more about how to do home projects on a budget or daydreaming about my future children and bargain shopping or watching things like the discovery channel or reading about current issues and other cultures which sets me a little further beyond ideal 20-something.  I wonder if I will ever catch up to my "perceived" age.. I asked a co-worker of mine when I worked at Target this very question (She's in her mid 60's) and she said, 32.  Im sure the same or about the same can be said for most people that even though you get older physically, it doesn't mean you feel older.  I honestly used to think (and sometimes still do) that aging was inevitable, not just in physical terms.  I used to walk the mall and see the "old lady stores" and think, oh God I don't want to get old and wear stuff like that.  As if there was a switch that goes off at the age of "old" which makes people tend to lean towards solid pastel colored cardigans and floral prints with polyester pants worn above the navel I dreaded the day I would prefer watching the news over cartoons and woke up before 11am and went to bed before 9pm. I always had this idea of what "old was" but never considered those I was close to in that manner.  My Nanna is my best friend, I could never think of her as "old". Not due to the fear of disrespect, but she's too lively and outspoken, and just "her" to be what I considered "old".  I love to talk with her and ride with her and her friends and listen to how they rant about the things of life.  I know that eventually life catches up to us.  We slow down, wrinkle, and health declines.  But watching those before me, I can better determine how the progression of my life will be and hopefully when I reach old age I will have had many things to feel integrity for.