On Earth as It Is In Heaven...

When I was fifteen I was given a new understanding on life and what I believed to be God's purpose for it. It was through a scripture I had read and heard many times before but it wasn’t until then that I began to think of if differently. John 3:16- "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son so that who ever believed in him should not perish, but have everlasting life".  Until that point, I took the scripture to mean simply, God loved us so he sent Jesus to save us and if we believed it to be true we would go to heaven- hence, the "everlasting life" part. (I am an english wiz and literary analysis is kinda my thing :) Simple right? But then I began to look at and think about the concept of everlasting life not in time, but in content.  After all, it says "everlasting life" not "everlasting existence".  It is not meant for us to merely exist; to breathe, to work, to just be until we don’t. We were made to live! To discover and change and manifest, meaning so much more to us personally than if we were simply to accept ourselves for the ways in which we are and do things as an end-all-be-all.  My favorite scripture, Jeremiah 29:11 says, " For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and to give you a future and a hope".  He created us for a purpose, and those dreams and hopes and things we've always wanted to do are no accident. For believers this world is not our home, but we serve a LIVING God and how controversial is it to think that he would wish anything less than the same from his creation? He places those desires in our hearts for us to go after and to utilize to show others that being a believer doesn’t mean you are lifeless, dull, and un-aspiring, but the opposite.  We are meant to do all things as an act of worship, even our daily tasks. You don’t think that it would be easier to show the love and compassion and grace of God when doing the things you enjoy? The things you were meant to do? Holy doesn’t mean boring. If our lives are advertisement for the kingdom of heaven do you think many would want to come if all they think we do is bible-beat and sing and pray? The bible says, "With love and kindness have I drawn thee".  How romantic right ladies? So, he isn’t some un-fun, cold prude who demands our love.  If you wouldn’t choose to spend the rest of your life with a man like that why would you seek that in God? You wouldn't. God's purposes are much more practical than it is made out to be. We seek fellowship and friendship with others based off of mutual interests and qualities, and if we never develop those interest or qualities what do we have to offer?  Not just to ourselves but to our world and to everyone in it? We shouldn't be so task oriented that we completely ignore and overshadow the reason we are here, and why we do what we do, which is to live a life that not only pleases God, but that exemplifies him as he is; creative, knowledgeable, kind, gracious, loving, and joyful to say the very least. Life is hard. We experience so much in its short span of grief and struggles and worry and self doubt, pity and fear.  We experience so much heartbreak and are constantly battling between everything that fights for our attention. But lets not forget what having life is and allow it to be so overshadowed by those things. Remember whose you are. Where you are. That you are. 

Who Do You Think You Are?

I think it's safe to say we encounter a good number of defining moments in our lives.  Moments that challenge us, break us, grow us, and ultimately shape us for better or for worse.  It is in these moments that we are forced to take a real look at who we are and whether we admit it or not, we come to terms with either our satisfaction or disappointment in ourselves in comparison to who we thought we were or aspire to be.  In a healthy lifestyle one experiences a fair number of both feelings of contentment and frustration with self- awareness.  If we are honest with ourselves we would admit the necessity of our failures and shortcomings to make way for our success. If I were to settle for every mediocre habit I exhibit I would never grow and I doubt I would be very happy with a life of challenges I have avoided instead of conquered.  There is something truly life-bringing and and refreshing about change; it is a really good thing whether the change be positive or negative.  I believe as long as we have breath in our bodies we should keep moving, seeking, aspiring and should never be okay with just being.  With all the negativities in life there is still much good to be experienced in comparison.  I think it's a shame when we don't go after the things we aspire in life no matter how small it may seem.  The world is a different place now than it has ever been and that is due in part to all the ones who set out to make things happen.  Who would have imagined 100 years ago that we would have telephones you could take with you, and that with the same phone you would be able to take pictures and video and have access to something called the internet which has to be one of the most innovative creations there is, giving birth to a world more of things. It only takes one person to dare to think that in their imagination lies something more powerful; possibility.  As a creation we are limitless to the number of things we can experience in comparison to any other creature on earth.  We are constantly evolving and changing whether we realize it or not.  We have thoughts and feelings about the world around us.  Some people want to explore it, seeing all they can see not being limited by the boundaries of the state they were born in.  Some want to explore it, learning all there is to know about the different kinds of people, cultures, histories.  Some want to express it.  We have artists, writers, painters, and musicians.  Or preserve it, like environmentalists and those who work for animal sanctuaries and humane societies.  There are those who wish to heal it such as doctors, nurses, and therapists.  Others seek to protect it- policemen, firemen, armed servicemen.  We all have our part and the first step in doing it is discovering it. It may be none of those, or many of those and then some.  Personally I have a passion for healthcare.  I ask God how I can make a difference in the lives of those I encounter beyond just performing the task and as I get older I see more areas where I wish to be useful.  I don't want to be limited to just one language.  I hope one day to learn sign language and to use that and my knowledge of spanish to help communicate with other who don't speak the way I do; to give them a voice.  I hope to learn to play piano and other instruments to and increase my love of music.  I love to learn and I love to do crafts and I want to make time to be more creative, in writing and in craft. You were created for a purpose so unique, and it may be cliché, but you truly are the only you.  You ever stop to think how we all learn the same alphabet, the same sentence sequencing, grammar techniques, and vocabulary but no two people share the same handwriting.  We all interpret and convey the world differently.  We can see the same things but we perceive it differently.  We can hear the same things yet we interpret it differently.  A lot of relationships would be saved if that weren't true!  If only both people heard the same way and experienced things in the same manner.  But we don't, which is why it is such a crucial habit in a relationship to learn one another as individuals and create a collective harmony made up of both characteristics.  It is for the same reason that it is harder for those outside of the relationship to understand and empathize.  Development is not limited to a certain time in our lives; the beginning where we have to chose who to be and then live it out for the rest of our time.  Or near the end where we scramble to do what we always dreamed of after living un-fulfilled.  As long as we are living there lies opportunity.  Follow one, conquer it and explore the next.  Time is not promised.  All we have is now.  Ask yourself who you think you are, and then challenge yourself to be that much greater.   

Age Ain't Nothin But a Number

If you didn't know how old you were, how old would you be? You hear it all the time, you're only as old as you feel, and its true.  Just because you get older, your body ages and changes physically it doesn't make you any less competent, vibrant and lively in older age than in young.  Because of the cultural changes and adaptation we have come to today, the aging process is directly effected whether in quality or length of life. Our medical advances have made it easier to live longer than ever before as well as our technological advances making life easier and offering more ways of entertainment and discovery.  Being a young person, I haven't thought much about getting old.  I think about my future in terms of what I want to do in life, where I want to be in 30 years and so on, but nothing on the actual concept of aging until after taking a Human Growth and Development class, as well as transitioning into a new job in the health care field where I take care of a wide range of people, elderly included.  Seeing someone in their 80's (+) and  hearing what they talk about most and watching their demeanors is always interesting to me.  On any given day, I spend about 8-12 hrs with them and in that time I can usually find out who they are, what they did, and how they lived.  They tell me about their kids and grandkids and you can tell the ones they are most proud of by the way they elaborate on their successes and family ties.  For the ones that suffer from dementia, they are usually affected by reverting to a childlike state; becoming stubborn and less amiable at times. At some points in the day (referred to as sun-downing) they can become more aggravated than usual in which point I feel I have learned the most.  For a person who was in the same work industry for the entirety of their life will start to act as if they are in fact still working. Once I encountered a woman who was a former nurse and she was confusing the care she was receiving with care she felt she was expected to give to someone else.  She wasn't able to grasp the fact that she in fact was was the patient and not the caregiver and when her medicines and plan of care were being explained to her and her family members, she received it as a participant and not the recipient.  Another insightful opportunity occurs when a person is reaching the end of their life and in realizing such, begin to go through what Psychologist Erik Erikson described in his eighth stage of psychosocial development, "Integrity vs Despair".  They begin to look at their life and choices and either feel a sense of integrity, feeling overall happy and contented with the way they have lived and hopeful for those they are leaving behind, or they feel a sense of despair.  They have regrets and fears about dying and leaving family behind or are unsettled with the life they have lived.  I see this most in elderly who have outlived a spouse and talk about how they wished they had more time with them and how they should told them they were loved more than they had.  The most touching thing I have heard thus far is a woman of 87 years speak of her husband who had died 7 years before saying, "he was a man that could not be duplicated".  She went on to say how he was a loving husband and father and was a family man and treated her like his "personal princess.  That man spared none when it came to me".  I am humbled by such experiences at work and I always take inventory of my own life and pray that I am a good stewart of the blessings I have been given, my husband included.  I am enriched and refined through my work of service and I have recognized that I doesn't have to be confined within the walls of the hospital, but should extend to my everyday living in my service to my loved ones and friends. Asking myself the question of how I would be if I didn't know the number, I would say 35. Often times I feel older than my age and I seem to see things differently than my peers. I identify most with people in middle age.  I have more friends in their mid forties than I do in their twenties.  I enjoy watching women who have been wives and mothers for decades and how they do things.  I like shopping and discovering new cultural activities that I would have otherwise been unaware of.  I feel that knowing older people has made me multi-demensional and I seek the same in others.  One of the reasons I love my husband the most is because he is so atypical, even from myself.  I am never bored and I am always challenged which I appreciate.  I think more about how to do home projects on a budget or daydreaming about my future children and bargain shopping or watching things like the discovery channel or reading about current issues and other cultures which sets me a little further beyond ideal 20-something.  I wonder if I will ever catch up to my "perceived" age.. I asked a co-worker of mine when I worked at Target this very question (She's in her mid 60's) and she said, 32.  Im sure the same or about the same can be said for most people that even though you get older physically, it doesn't mean you feel older.  I honestly used to think (and sometimes still do) that aging was inevitable, not just in physical terms.  I used to walk the mall and see the "old lady stores" and think, oh God I don't want to get old and wear stuff like that.  As if there was a switch that goes off at the age of "old" which makes people tend to lean towards solid pastel colored cardigans and floral prints with polyester pants worn above the navel I dreaded the day I would prefer watching the news over cartoons and woke up before 11am and went to bed before 9pm. I always had this idea of what "old was" but never considered those I was close to in that manner.  My Nanna is my best friend, I could never think of her as "old". Not due to the fear of disrespect, but she's too lively and outspoken, and just "her" to be what I considered "old".  I love to talk with her and ride with her and her friends and listen to how they rant about the things of life.  I know that eventually life catches up to us.  We slow down, wrinkle, and health declines.  But watching those before me, I can better determine how the progression of my life will be and hopefully when I reach old age I will have had many things to feel integrity for.

The Measure of Greatness

"We never know how high we are til we are asked to rise. And then if we are true to plan, our statures touch the skies. The heroism we recite will be a normal thing, did not ourselves the cubits warp for fear to be a king." -Emily Dickenson

I first read this poem in the seventh grade (and yes I know it by heart) and even before we did the whole analyzing and discussing of what the author meant and so on, the message behind it struck me. So much of what is said is how I was feeling, things I had already thought. A lot of times I underestimate my own potential. I don't seem as smart or as creative or outgoing as the next person and sometimes I am amazed at just how amazing I can be. Its true that you hardly realize just how far you've gone, or how well you've done until it is time to advance to the next level. I'm experiencing it right now, in my last semester before my nursing program and being on the brink of a new level makes me realize just how far I've come. In the past two years I have made friends and became apart of a school that I will miss. I had great teachers and unforgettable experiences that will come to shape the rest of my life. I got to witness multiple role models in women that have taught some of my classes that give me hope and something to aspire to be. Seeing them teach with such passion and knowing that their spiritual lives and family are not compromised and still remains first is encouraging to me and as far as I have come I am yet hopeful and expectant for where I want to go. I can say that in the past couple of years I have been at Missouri Baptist I have gotten a clearer picture than I had had before of what my life can look like and who I want to be. I have enjoyed watching these women just "be". As crazy as that sounds, I do! It was an eye opening experience to see women like my A&P  and Psych teachers and how they are smart and strong and well rounded in life. You can see that they are fulfilled and whole individuals and I pray to learn from them not just academically but also practically and to be more like them as a wife, mother and person. They represent the kind of greatness I aspire to be. Living in times that we do it has become more and more of a commodity to find such women who are spiritually sound and happy with life and contribute such things to those around them. You never know how your presence affects those around you and I am glad to say that I was one of them. I expect more from myself and I know more of what is possible which makes it harder for me accept anything less from myself or my life. 

"The heroism we recite would be a normal thing, did not ourselves the cubits warp for fear to be a king". This is my favorite part of Dickenson's poem. She gets right to the point, the meat and potatoes and plain and simply says, that we can ALL be great. That the level of greatness we so often talk about and uphold in others can be ours too as long as we stop trying to alter the measure at which we judge ourselves.  As humans we can be so futile. We negatively judge others based off of their actions and ourselves off of our intentions when it comes to them doing things wrong or making mistakes.  But then we also tend to exaggerate and over-romantisize the successes of those we envy or covet to be like, living in the shadows of their greatness rather than believing in the possibility of our own.  I know it can be a scary thing to do, believing in yourself because that means you have expectations and those expectations means you could possibly be disappointed.. but you could also be greatly astounded.  You can't gain what you don't risk. Bottom line. So, get out there and try something new or something you've been afraid to do if only just to say you did it, because the first step in becoming great is simply "being" and "doing".