A Dream Deferred...

Sometimes it seems as if I am always setting myself up for failure. The things I want so badly always seem to be out of reach and in the moments where it looks as if I am getting closer, it slips away again, leaving me feeling as if it'll never happen. This has not always been a bad thing because for the interests that I am no longer interested in, the waiting time was helpful in me deciding that I really wouldn't have been consistent with whatever it was after some time. But now I am sure that I have found something that interests me and I would really stick to and the waiting game is in full effect like never before, and it is NOT pretty! I get really excited about my new task/interest and I set up all these high hopes and plans for it and usually find soon after that it takes either more time or money than I have to give at that point and boy is it a bummer! Since I've repeated this process many times over I have begun to recognize where I go wrong and so now I am trying revise the things that trap me up; such as being more realistic about what I am wanting and then responsible and patient enough prioritize what is more important at the time.
So now I feel I have found the hobby/activity that I am passionate about that utilizes all of the aspects of my creativity that I like to express. I have decided that I want to start my own photography business. I have always liked to take pictures and I think a big part of that came from my grandmother always being big on family portraits. We have more family photos than a little bit and it never mattered if we were looking neat and put together or not. In fact, she preferred it that way and we would often stop at Wal-Mart or Sears in the middle of running errands just to take photos. She said it was more important to look back and remember things the way things were and not where you wanted them to be and from that I had grown to love photography. I took my first photo classes in high school and enjoyed them very much. I actually ran into my high school photography teacher the other day while I was at work. She came into the Target I work at and tried on some maternity clothes and we chatted for a bit. But for a year now I had played with the idea of me starting to shoot again and maybe investing in my own DSLR and wondering what kinds of things I liked shooting better, landscapes and scenery vs portraits. After some research and thinking I had decided that I wanted to shoot people doing everyday life things, ranging from weddings and maternity photos or child photography or high school portraits and really started courting the idea of me doing this not just as a hobby but being good at it and making a name for myself and it got me so excited! Even the smaller and more tedious aspects of owning and running my own business appealed to me and I finally felt as if I found one thing that utilized many of the talents I posses. Getting to be creative with the shots and angles and effects and poses and editing the photos afterwards. Managing business finances and budgeting and inventory allows me to use my knack for numbers and calculating and my organizing skills to, well keep it all organized. Creating and updating my own website, because I have always been a bit interested in webpage design and the overall love of being around people and capturing their most precious moments is what I look forward to. Despite the hype of all my excitement though I did have to sit down and really dig deep within myself to think about whether or not this is something I would really want to do no matter the outcome and how I would go about it. I couldn't expect my friends and family to be on board with something that I myself am not fully 100% about. I realized that it would take a lot of work and research and investing and am even finding out now that it will even take work to learn where to pick up the necessary information that I need whether by taking classes or reading books. I have taken to reading about other photographers and most are pretty honest about the ups and downs of the business and gave me a reality check on what I am up against but it didn't discourage me. I am not yet at the point where I am ready to actually start my business but what I can do now is find affordable starter materials in order to master my craft and become familiar with the basics of photography all in all. Being that this is a dream of mine and will not be my main source of income I do have the advantage of having a full time career as a nurse which I am also passionate about, but it doesn't take away the time needed to maintain a business either. This isn't an either or for me. I will be equally fulfilled in both and I realized more and more about myself in this past year about what interests me and what I am good at. I have always been interested in multiple areas and felt that one day I would have to choose one that I wanted and stick with it, but I am finding that there are many people who do multiple things its just a matter of balance. My family and my job will always be whats important to me and this dream of photography is more than a dream it is a manifestation of what makes me who I am and a product of what I am capable of. My intention isn't to get rich but to be fulfilled and utilize the talents that I have in a way that pleases me. If I broke even every year it wouldn't bother me any I just want the opportunity to perform for the pure joy of it. It brings me comfort to know what I want and to know that I don't have to limit myself to one thing in life. I have an aunt that does many things and is involved in something new many times that I hear about her and it encourages me to know that I can be active in the things that I want and still have a close knit family and enjoy my life and if I decide to do something else I can stop what I am doing and move on to something else if I so chose. It is just nice to know that I can and it makes for a better story to tell and journey to live in my opinion. So, I am looking forward to investing in my fist DSLR pretty soon. It took some convincing from my husband and much pondering on my part to agree that I should start off with a good starter camera that is good on the budget but also good quality for learning. I am excited for my new found discovery and happy for the progress I have made so far since starting my blog at how much I have learned about myself. Pretty soon I'll have a new photography aspect to add to my blog archiving all of my learning endeavors! Stay tuned...